I got 2 weeks off for sick leave. Within that 2 weeks, I continued to have chest pains and migraines. I felt like I lost all control of my body. And then there were two sleepless nights in a row. By the second night, I begged my husband to please go to the pharmacy and get me any sleeping pill that I could take with my antibiotics that my doctor had prescribed for my sinusitis. That night I took 2 pills, and still did not sleep. I cried on and off the entire night. I felt so tired, so broken, and my mind went to a dark place. I finally fell asleep sometime after 4 am and was then woken up by my son at 6 am. We had planned to go blueberry picking that day. I really didn't want to go, but Saturdays are the only days we as a family are all together. I took two Advils and some Tylenol and headed out the door.
I smiled at my kids, and tried my best to have fun. But inside, I was tired, I felt like I had nothing left. When we finally came home, I tried to nap. Instead, I experienced something, I never had before. I started to have uncontrollable shakes, racking my entire body. The only thing that calmed them down was deep breathing. But then not too long after, they came again, and again, and again. At this point, I was freaking out and so scared. What was going on with me? My husband texted the doctor and she sent a prescription to my pharmacy for sleeping pills. Apparently, your body can get shakes, after insomnia, and after two nights, my body couldn't handle it anymore. That night, after taking the pill, I slept for 10 hours.
Off and on the next few days, I felt a little better. I was finally getting some sleep. The migraines were still there. I was getting some nausea at night. My blood tests came back normal. I went to go see a psychologist, and found out, that I checked off all the boxes for Panic Attacks and General Anxiety. Apparently, my heart and chest pains, are a common symptom. I was shocked to say the least, since this has never happened to me before. So now, I am working on myself to get better, and to actually take care and focus on me.
I wanted to go back to work after two weeks, because it's not in my personality to just sit around. But during that two weeks, I was still experiencing physical ailments, and a few crying episodes. During my follow-up, I asked my doctor, "Should I go back? I'm not entirely well, but I need the money." My doctor said, "I don't think you're ready to go back yet. It takes time to heal. Why are you rushing? You need to take care of yourself first." She was right. What is money in the grand scheme of life? Being healthy is the most important gift you can give yourself. I was also prescribed a low grade anti-depressant, not for being depressed (which can be a stigma) but for my anxiety about my migraines and general health.
I felt bad telling my work and embarrassed that I needed another month off. I felt like people would think I was weak. My husband reminded me that things will get done, wether I'm there or not. And what does it matter what people think of me? It only matters what I think of myself.
It's been a week now, since I went to the doctor's and I'm starting to feel better. I still have some bad evenings, where I feel nauseous and get headaches, but I had two days, where I didn't get any of that. So that is a good thing. I also came to the realization, that I really do need to carve time, just for me. The same way I make time to do the groceries, play with the kids, etc. I put myself on the back-burner and I'm paying the price for it now. I'm taking this as a lesson, that I have to put myself first in many ways. I also let go of the idea that I am weak (which I felt at the beginning). This burnout, does not define me. It's not who I am. It's a moment that will pass. I just have to take care of myself, stay positive and slowly get better in time.
I smiled at my kids, and tried my best to have fun. But inside, I was tired, I felt like I had nothing left. When we finally came home, I tried to nap. Instead, I experienced something, I never had before. I started to have uncontrollable shakes, racking my entire body. The only thing that calmed them down was deep breathing. But then not too long after, they came again, and again, and again. At this point, I was freaking out and so scared. What was going on with me? My husband texted the doctor and she sent a prescription to my pharmacy for sleeping pills. Apparently, your body can get shakes, after insomnia, and after two nights, my body couldn't handle it anymore. That night, after taking the pill, I slept for 10 hours.
Off and on the next few days, I felt a little better. I was finally getting some sleep. The migraines were still there. I was getting some nausea at night. My blood tests came back normal. I went to go see a psychologist, and found out, that I checked off all the boxes for Panic Attacks and General Anxiety. Apparently, my heart and chest pains, are a common symptom. I was shocked to say the least, since this has never happened to me before. So now, I am working on myself to get better, and to actually take care and focus on me.
I wanted to go back to work after two weeks, because it's not in my personality to just sit around. But during that two weeks, I was still experiencing physical ailments, and a few crying episodes. During my follow-up, I asked my doctor, "Should I go back? I'm not entirely well, but I need the money." My doctor said, "I don't think you're ready to go back yet. It takes time to heal. Why are you rushing? You need to take care of yourself first." She was right. What is money in the grand scheme of life? Being healthy is the most important gift you can give yourself. I was also prescribed a low grade anti-depressant, not for being depressed (which can be a stigma) but for my anxiety about my migraines and general health.
I felt bad telling my work and embarrassed that I needed another month off. I felt like people would think I was weak. My husband reminded me that things will get done, wether I'm there or not. And what does it matter what people think of me? It only matters what I think of myself.
It's been a week now, since I went to the doctor's and I'm starting to feel better. I still have some bad evenings, where I feel nauseous and get headaches, but I had two days, where I didn't get any of that. So that is a good thing. I also came to the realization, that I really do need to carve time, just for me. The same way I make time to do the groceries, play with the kids, etc. I put myself on the back-burner and I'm paying the price for it now. I'm taking this as a lesson, that I have to put myself first in many ways. I also let go of the idea that I am weak (which I felt at the beginning). This burnout, does not define me. It's not who I am. It's a moment that will pass. I just have to take care of myself, stay positive and slowly get better in time.
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